VCom Blog|The life of a simple mind in a simple digital world.

Who is Hechicero Blanco? He is asking himself this question, and whether he should choose for what he wants and likes or if he chooses for something that might not work at all…

A choice he feels is hard to make, an I can imagine completely. I had to make the same choice, and quite frankly, looking back on the decision, it was an obvious one. However the process took months for me. Doubting whether to stay or to go used to come once a week, in my last week it was every hour. At that point i needed to finally make a decision. Not just for my own sake, but for the sake of others as well. Others were suffering because I was suffering. Not physical, but emotional, and that’s neither good for me nor for anyone else. Any person who’s ever met me in a grumpy mood can confirm (if they lived to tell the tale, lol).

In the meantime I’m not trying to answer all his questions, but let me try to answer a few.

1. “Am I still me or have I become a shadow of my former self?”. No Hech, you are still you, but the emotional drain that PDSL has become, casted a shadow OVER you.
2. “When does all of this end?”. As long as you don’t end it, it will probably finish you off as it nearly did me. I must say I’ve been having much more energy and strength since I left the group, it could be my imagination, but I doubt it.
3. “When do I awaken from all of this?”. **Pinch** <<== A hard pinch to wake Hech up.
4. “By being blind have I totally lost control over everything?”. No, hech, but this answer requires a bit more explanation, so I’ll take the liberty of splitting the question up here. First of all, you’re not blind. You see things as well, or maybe even better, then others. Did you loose control? No, I don’t think so. My opinion is that everything was out of control already before you came to power and at that point Eddie tried everything to save it, to no avail. It’s not you to blame, but people got used to doing as they pleased before you were even there… It’s hard to get that out of them without being harsh sometimes and without scaring a few others (innocent bystanders?) away.
5. “When I make this wonderful new land, do I share with friends, open to the public so they too can enjoy such beauty that is to come?”. Well, Hech, that is totally up to you… But believe me, it’s not gonna take a whole lot of space and time away from people before you start realizing that you just can’t do without your friends.
6. “Who am I”. Well to me you are a good friend, a brother I never had. We’ve been through a lot of shit together, PDSL, SD, SS, etc. We’ve seen Drama like no-one ever seen in SL, we even met Drama herself in the flesh (S.S.). So if you say you had enough I understand, but it is beyond yourself to reach for something you can’t grasp. Unless you’re gonna spend the next 10 years with the Dalai Lama, in some far away monastery in some vague land, you’ll probably never find out. Human/wolf/fox/neko nature is too complicated to summarize in an article this size. To write it all out, famous Psychologists as Sigmund Freud spent years and years and book after book on the subject. The result? No-one can grasp the human nature and the answer to who we are. The only answer they could provide was “We are as we are, do what we do, because we are unique.”, and I think they have a point.

So Hech, I hope to see you back on SL soon, cuz I don’t give a damn about many others then You, Nickie and Mus at the moment.

-Gen-